I’M NOT EVEN SURE HOW OLD WE WERE… For those who grew up in Jasper and attended Jasper Elementary (Go Tigers!) in the 80’s, my reasoning behind placing it around 2nd grade is based purely on my remembering that it happened on the “Big Playground”. My 1st, 3rd, and 4th grade years were all spent on the “new playground” and the closed street that ran between the school and the (then) county library. I know I wasn’t in 5th grade, because other amazingly wonderful “kids will be kids” things happened that year.
The boys name was Allen McCharge. His name will forever be engrained into my head because of the few months he endured at our school, which must have been horrific, taught me a lesson that I still use today. I do remember that he wasn’t the nicest of kids, but it was probably because he had already been the butt of several jokes and bullying for much of his life up to that point. Even at that age, you can see the jading of society on kids who are “different” through their own attitudes and actions. I myself was struggling for being slightly “different”, even at that age, and trying to fit in. Allen was a lost cause the first day he came into the class room. He was larger than everyone, in height and girth, he had super curly red hair, and it was topped off with a pair of “coke bottle” glasses. He was also pretty far behind everyone school wise. I look back and wonder if he was learning disabled or just a late bloomer.
Something I always find interesting is how people, in general, who are lower on society’s totem pole tend to fight amongst themselves more than they fight the injustices of them being down there in the first place. It’s like they are trying to climb said pole by climbing over people, doing and saying things uncharacteristic to their personality for people who probably are unimpressed with anyone who they deem “under” them. It’s the common age old thought process of caring about what people think of you. If you can make someone else look bad, then, comparatively, you look better, right? As children, we do this instinctively. We see it in nature as well. My point is that it’s not society or the TV that train children to act this way when they are young, it’s nature. The main difference between animals and ourselves is that we get to a point in our growth where we grow a conscience. What we do with that conscience is what make the true difference. As a child, you know the clear right and wrongs, I feel, by natural instinct, but it’s the grey areas that kids find the hardest to understand. That is until the light finally comes on. When we decide for ourselves that it’s not OK to hit the kid next to you just because you feel like it. Self control? A conscience? Whatever it may be, I know the exact moment mine came. Not to say I didn’t have slip ups later in life (sorry Jen, for the last part of 5th grade! I love you and am so glad we grew up!), but I know that from this particular point in my life onward, I knew I wasn’t the only person in the world that mattered. I started watching what I said and did. I went through a section in life where I probably watched myself a little too closely because I cared a little too much about what other people thought, but I also tried my best to watch those around me who were in the same predicament.
So the totem pole… Let’s just say I was down near the bottom when I was younger. I too had red hair. My mom was a teacher, so obviously I was a tattletale. I really wasn’t, I was just a talkative child and would just say things without thinking they would get people in trouble… My mom would ask me how my day went and what I did, and I would tell her. I didn’t think about leaving out things for the benefit of other people. I remember one time when my mom asked me what I did that day and I told her I had a horrible day because I knew that this older girl Christie had stolen the stickers and money from the teachers desk, but was afraid to tell anyone because Christie would beat me up. I didn’t expect my Mom to go and tell my teacher what I had told her. It didn’t dawn on me until years later that she had done it, it took a conversation with Jen in high school reminiscing about our elementary school days to figure that out. I thought the girl had confessed on her own or that someone else had tattled. Jen’s mom was a teacher too, so we had similar experiences in that area.
Knowing my status on the totem pole makes this story a little more understandable. My rant about society and climbing over people shines true here too. Because Allen and I were both redheads… the other kids in our class thought it would be funny to “joke” with us about being meant for each other. I didn’t like Allen to begin with because, as I noted before, he wasn’t the nicest of kids. It might have also been in retaliation for what the kids were saying as well, trying to prove to them that he didn’t like me. One sunny day out on the “Big Playground”, a group of us were playing some game, which Allen was also playing, when Allen suddenly declared “I can’t go on! My battery’s run down!” Which up finishing he pretended to fall to the ground exhausted. Being that his last name was McCharge… we all thought this was hysterical. We started running around and yelling the same thing and falling to the ground. He at first chased after us, but then he fell himself, this time accidently and started crying. We all thought it was part of the show and we all threw ourselves down again and pretended to cry with him. At some point during this episode, I realized that he was really crying. In shame or because he had actually hurt himself, I’ll never know. I wish I could say that I had the courage during this epiphany to stand up and put it all to an end, but I didn’t. I stayed down on the ground and pretended that I was still having fun with the rest of the group, praying that it would end soon. Thankfully the bell rang and I got up and ran to line up so we could go inside. I don’t remember anything but that. I don’t know if he was picked up by the teacher and taken to the nurses office or if he got up and ran for the line as well. I do know that my Mom asked me about it that evening and I remember trying to brush it off as us all having fun… I also remember that Allen didn’t come back to our class after that day. Maybe he was moved to another classroom or maybe to another school. In those days, your world view was pretty limited to the actual class you were in. All I know is that Allen McCharge disappeared from my life and that I was left with this nagging feeling that I was part of the blame for that disappearance.
I often reach back to that moment in my life when I feel like some type of injustice is being done. It helps me remember how shameful and guilty I felt for not speaking up. I’m actually pretty passionate about it now. I learned from that and a few other hiccups along my younger life to not care about the majority and their thoughts, but to look inside and go with what I felt was right and just. It’s helped me brush off those times when I was being targeted. In 7th grade, my backpack and books were thrown into the dumpster several times. After the first time, I knew where to find them, and so just fished them out myself without saying a word. Eventually (the 4th time), they got that it didn’t bother me and moved on. I had relentlessly made a place for myself at the “B-list” table only to find that I was doing the same thing after “winning” a spot (told you, I had my lapses) in 6th grade... So I purposely started sitting with the “unpopular” kids. Of course I lost my “spot” in a short time, but I felt better about myself. In 8th grade, I did the same thing when I “won” a spot at the “Popular table” for being a cheerleader. By high school.. the crowds kinda died away. Some people from Jasper might argue with me, but I think that we all kind of mingled together. We still had specific “groups”-ish, but again, we all mingled. I couldn’t say if I was in a particular one or not. I don’t think I was popular or unpopular… I was just there. I knew high school was just a stopping point before college when I could get out on my own…
My point? I was bullied, but I bullied too. I think that everyone has been on both sides of the coin at one point. For those who feel like victims, I want you to look deep down and ask yourself if you aren’t guilty of doing the same thing to someone else at some point in your past. Be truthful with yourself. It sucks. BUT IT DOES GET BETTER. Look to your past and grow from it... Don’t let it control your life now. If you’re going through some bullying right now, know that there is light ahead, you just have to keep going. Don’t let it jade you. I now always try to treat other the way I like to be treated. It has confused some, but I’ve gotten a lot more respect and friends out of it than I have enemies. I owe some of that long learned philosophy to Allen McCharge. Whereever you are, I hope that your life has turned out to be amazing.
