Bride-like Rock Star!!

So I’ve been doing this whole initial planning for the wedding thing for the past few weeks… Granted, (we set a date!!!) it’s not for another full year, but planning is fully under way. I think with all the type A personalities in my family… along with me and my own type A-ish-ness, this thing will be completely planned out by the end of the month and we’ll just have to wait a year to see anything come of it! Seriously folks… if I was a super hero, I’d be Type-A Girl! Because, let’s face it, I’m not so much on my day to day, but when important things come up, I can’t help myself. You should see the excel spread sheets I make out sometimes, the diagrams, notebooks full of check lists, etc etc etc. I literally have to step back and stop so I don’t get too obsessive! I really work on being a laid back person. :D

The thing that has me on here this morning though is a little off subject of music I realize, but as a musician and as a woman in general, I have to deal with A LOT. It’s image. It’s wearing the right Rock Star stuff on stage… whether to go with the black sequin blouse with some skinny jeans or some comfy cargo pants with a faded band t-shirt. One could say ”Yea! I look good, professional, and my music sounds even better!” and the other could be saying “I put more thought into my music than how I look, so OBVIOUSLY I rock!” Depending on which venue or even (I’ve found) what type of musician you’re dealing with, each person has good arguments on what they do and do not wear on stage. As a woman, it’s a little trickier because well, let’s face it people, women in the music industry are expected to look good. I battle with my weight a lot and it’s funny that when I’ve put on a few extra pounds, how less likely I am to get a venue than when I’m down to the “correct size”. Unfortunately, it’s the same as when dealing with other musicians too, especially ones that have never heard me play. Well, it’s that way just being a girl too, let’s not kid ourselves here.

So the reason I’m bringing it up today? I’ve been on several “bride” sites in the last few weeks and there are seriously lopsided messages out there. A good thing (I guess) that I’ve seen added to a lot of the sites are sections for “plus sizes”, but in the back of my head, I REALLY don’t want to be the one ordering from that section. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with ordering from that section either! The funny thing is that on one site I was on yesterday, plus sizes started at size 12. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…. Size 12! The AVERAGE size of a woman in America is a size 14!!! I looked into it more and found that the “ideal” size for a woman on most of these sites is a size 8. That’s a 5’7 woman at around 100 pounds, for anyone who wanted to know the “average model” size. I have read over the “bride blogs” and the MAJORITY of them are obsessive about getting off weight for their wedding… to look like the models in their “perfect wedding dress”. I was reading about this one lady… who was ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL even before she lost the weight… complaining because she had plateaued at the loss of 50 pounds and trying desperately to get that last 15 pounds off before her last fitting… were she wanted to announce that it had been taken down to a SIZE 6. Instead of the supportive feedback I was expecting about how gorgeous she was and how wonderful she already looked in the dress (really, it was breath-taking), there was advise on how to lose that last 15 pounds. Most of the comments were about how they were trying to do the same thing and little “shortcuts” they were taking to shed the pounds… they were NOT HEALTHY TIPS! The “support” was more along the lines of how wonderful she would feel once she took off those last pounds and how beautiful and triumphant she’d feel on her wedding day for fitting into a size 6. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to take every single one of these girls aside and slap them. Surprisingly enough, several other sites spouted the same thing… most of the sites having “getting in shape” blog sections where women were giving the same type of advice.

I have to confess though… I’m guilty of the same exact thing (ish). I am cringing at the thought of trying on dresses right now. HOWEVER, I’ve been trying to do the “healthy lifestyle” thing. I’m not on a diet, so I’ve been told, I’m doing a “lifestyle change”… where I have to keep up with what I’m eating, and how long I’m exercising every day. Supposedly, the keeping up part is only temporary because once I become a healthy adult, I won’t need to keep up with it, it will come naturally…. But it’s rough going so far. It’s part of my work though. It’s a program that, if I complete, will take off an extra $20 a month on my health insurance. I will say that I feel healthier since starting the program… and fitting into a smaller size pair of pants this morning felt amazing… but I wonder if I’m feeding into the frenzy that I’ve been so harsh on earlier in this blog. I will say though that I’m supporting the healthy human, not the media portrayal of the “model person”. It’s a fine line to walk though.

I admit, I sometimes cringe when I go on stage… when I’m supposed to go for promo pics or record a video of a performance to post on-line. I catch myself over-analyzing how I look instead of listening to how I sound or how having new pictures out will help with marketing my music. Has society gotten the best of me??? I have to work hard not to focus on it… and again, going back to Type A Girl!, not obsessing with the particulars. It’s why I shy away from calorie counting and analyzing everything going in and on my body. I’m hoping that the nutritionist that I’m seeing right now is correct and that “healthy living” with my body will come naturally at some point.

I want to make this point though: I aspire to be that woman that others look up to that has a healthy outlook on life, in mind and spirit, not just the body. I want to show people that I’m happy with being ME, not matter what size pants I put on in the morning. I want to share my talent, and through my talent, the outlook that life is wonderful and amazing. It’s an internal struggle that I think everyone has to deal with… a choice we have to make every single moment of the day… for every thought and action we take… for every word that comes out of our mouths… we do make the difference every day in people’s lives around us, whether we want to or not. I encourage people to embrace the fact that their actions and words affect other people. I want you to realize that just a smile can change someone’s day, just like a frown can. I want you to realize that when you complain about your weight in front of someone, a someone who may not have the self esteem to realize that they are beautiful just the way they are, it can affect their own outlook on their body. Be positive people! I guarantee that your outlook on life will change for the better when you take that extra effort to be thankful for what’s been given to you. I’ll leave you with this quote, along with the article it came from that inspired me to include it, which I hope you all take the time to read.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant?” Who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Nelson Mandeka (www.fullandfabulous.org, Full in Bloom)

There's Good Reason for My Absence...

Blog blog blog… Yep… I’ve just gotten out of the habit… and I’ve been SO busy! It’s all good though because sometimes, like this, I actually have time to write one!! So projects…

Mike and I are still wowing the crowds with our acoustic duo cover band Minutes to Live. We’re playing at the Roswell’s Riverside Farmers Market September 25 and then at the Land of 1000 Hills Coffee in Roswell on October 22.

We’re working on getting a few other gigs. I keep my Twitter account pretty well up to date as far as when and where I’m playing, so keep checking back. Still playing with the Phillips Brothers. We will be performing on October 1st at Rev, 8pm sharp, hope to see some of you out!! We also have a spot in the upcoming Revfest October 9th. I’ll also be playing a few with Darrell Leven to open up that morning… so stop on by!!

Just an FYI, this is the same Darrell Leven that I’ve fallen totally and completely in love with and will be marrying sometime next Spring or Fall. J So on top of everything else musically, I’m still working full time and starting to plan a wedding. Yup. I really do love my life right now though!! It’s very exciting! I do have quite a few small poems I’m going to try posting in the next few days… no worries people, not all of them are about how gaga I am over my man… but I can’t promise that my happiness hasn’t sneaked its way into verse… lol I really can’t help it!! I wear my heart on paper!!